I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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