My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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