so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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