real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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