There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
