God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
