GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
