I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Im part way to drunk.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
