I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
