it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
