Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
