I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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