he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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