My room smells like vodka and shame
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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