i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
