Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
