I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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