I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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