She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
