i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
