Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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