I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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