how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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