Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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