okay pat passed out under dana's car
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
