he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
