Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
