I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
