Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
