so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
