i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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