Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
