an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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