Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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