so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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