drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
