OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
