i already hear my dad disowning me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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