that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
