when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize