How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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