I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
