It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
