Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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