i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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