He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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