end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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