i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So apparently I’m into choking now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize