OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
