We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
