Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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