Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
