Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
