If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
