Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
