Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
