How did I end up in the pool?!
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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