I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
