He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
