So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
