I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
