It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
