Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
