I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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