so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
