If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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