How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
