so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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